My Smelly Day Off.

We had no ABA therapy yesterday.  So, rather than go to work, I took the day off.  Do you ever have a little plan in your mind that goes awry?  Yeah, that was yesterday.

So, night before last, I decided I would have a little microwave popcorn.  Unfortunately, I have the attention span of a gnat.  Normally, I microwave only one thing -a Stouffer’s Baked Chicken Breast- not popcorn and I always microwave it for 5 minutes and 30 seconds.  So, you know what I did.

I microwaved the popcorn for 5 minutes and 30 seconds.  At what moment did I realize my error?  At 5 minutes and 29 seconds.  The next thing I heard was the beeping of the microwave.

This is not my microwave but this is what it looked like!

I had walked away to help the little guy in the bathroom and simply forgot about it.  Of course, right in the moment of realization and beeping, the hubs just walked in the house from the office, to see my stellar microwaving talents.  When I got to the kitchen, it was thick with smoke and smelled – well – like burnt popcorn.  Actually, more like I tried to stuff a couple of rotting corpses in the microwave and burned them.  It was bad.

This is how the smoke looked...

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has done this!  Truthfully?  This is not my first microwave popcorn incident.  I have done this, at least, oh…say, four times, here, at home.  I’ve also burnt popcorn in an office setting.  Yes, my coworkers were really happy with me that day.  But that was about 15 years ago.  The last four times?  Aside from yesterday, all in the last three years or so…

The funny part is that the little guy is hyposensitive and completely unimpressed by smells of any kind.  You could put him over a smoldering pile of garbage and he would continue to play the same as if he was in a garden of fragrant flowers.  At this particular moment, I was grateful for that.

The hubs took the popcorn ashes outside and hosed them down so we would not have a garbage fire.  I was hobbling around trying to open all the windows.  (The knee is not quite right yet.)  I stunk it up through the whole house.

When I was done cleaning the brownish orange goo off the inside and outside of the microwave, I washed that incredibly large round glass plate inside which doesn’t fit in the sink right.  Naturally, water went everywhere.  So I felt like a failed, somewhat like bad arsonist last night while my son, who is trying to learn the difference between good and bad said “Mommy is….” waiting for me to fill in the blank.  I declined.

For penance, I vowed to myself that I would get a new mop and Pine Sol the hell out of the kitchen the next morning.

In the morning, the house still stunk.  With our new summer schedule, even though we were having a little day off, just the little guy and me, I still had to make it for speech and OT.  Happily, we got ready and escaped the stinky house.  Ah, fresh air.  We made it to speech right on time and walked in to about five people in the waiting room.  Two women were looking exceptionally unhappy.  I smiled at one and she still looked pissed off.  Well, that was rude.

I sat down and then it hit me like a wave.  Someone in the room did not know what deodorant was.  It was 95 degrees outside.  Two women walked out of the office.  Unfortunately, they were not the culprits.  One who left was the scowler.  Now it made sense. She had already been nose-assaulted and had finally escaped!  What could I do?!

This test for stink was not necessary at the OT waiting room yesterday.

The stench was so overwhelming that I was alternating between holding my breath and breathing through my mouth.  Two women and a boy about 8 years old remained in the waiting room with me while my own little guy went safely to the back rooms.

Which of them was it?  It must be the one closest to me – it was too overwhelming for it not to be her.  Luckily, my son did not say anything because, he did not notice.  What I wouldn’t have given for his hyposensitivity at that moment!

An hour later, both women left and so did the smell.  I felt slightly dizzy from holding my breath for so long.  Another hour of speech and we were off to Target for mop buying!   The rest of the day was uneventful but full of fresh air, a new mop, Lysol and rubber gloves.  As a bonus?  Don’t be jealous but I bought myself a new screwdriver.  For some reason, every time I go to change batteries for the little guy’s toys, hubs has taken away the screwdrivers and I cannot find them.  Oh Target, how I love your one stop shopping!

Once home it was an exciting afternoon of cleaning and replacing batteries.  The new screwdriver had a little light on it.  My son was intrigued.  As I changed the batteries on one of his old toys, he exclaimed, “Mommy’s screwing!”

And this was my day off.  Now, my house smells like a combination of burnt popcorn and pine.  Ahhh…

Trust me. If that bird came to my window yesterday, he'd be keeled over.

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About solodialogue

I'm a lawyer and the mom of a 6 year old boy with autism. I work part time and spend the rest driving here and there and everywhere for my son's various therapies. Instead of trying cases, I now play Pac-man and watch SpongeBob. I wear old sweaters and jeans and always, always flat shoes to run after my son. Yeah, it's different but I wouldn't change it for anything. The love of my child is the most powerful, beautiful and rewarding aspect of my life.
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21 Responses to My Smelly Day Off.

  1. LOL! You reminded me of old Luddy with the popcorn story!
    When I was younger, I worked summers in the steel mill and my line supervisor was an old southern man named Luddy. He used to microwave EVERYTHING for 20 minutes. During the day shift, it was OK. Luddy would wait until he felt that the food was about done, turn the microwave off, and eat. But on the night shift? Luddy usually fell asleep.
    You wanna know what’s worse than burned popcorn that has been in the microwave 20 minutes? Chitlins. 20 minutes. It would still stink in the break room the next day!
    Hope the pine sol helps!

  2. LuvMyCrzyLife says:

    Oh my gosh, I am sorry…i am laughing so hard right now. You just have me onde more reason to be love you.

  3. Handflapper says:

    A man who works with my husband has B.O. so bad I can smell him from one end of the store to the other. I can’t even go inside the business anymore without gagging. No wonder my husband comes home in such a grumpy mood, yet strangely, he’s never mentioned it.

    • solodialogue says:

      Maybe he’s hyposensitive too. What is it with people? Yikes! I just realized that if my kid is hyposensitive – he could turn into one of the stinkies without even knowing it! Must make sure to ingrain the use of deodorant into the little guy’s daily routine!! I think you may have just saved my son from total social rejection without even knowing it!! Thank you!

  4. Strangely, this post makes me really want some popcorn right now.

    I don’t think it would be all bad to have that undersensitive nose either. It definitely would have helped you yesterday. 🙂

    • solodialogue says:

      Even after burning it, I wanted to make more! What can I say? I love popcorn! (Don’t tell my hubs – he’s banned me from using it without adult supervision!)

  5. Samantha says:

    great story, I love your humor…:)

  6. I’ve done that to the popcorn a few times, also famous for burning toast haha.

  7. Grace says:

    LMAO!! Popcorn killer. This cracked me up.

    You’re lucky your son is hyposensitive. My son would’ve walked into the waiting room, pinched his nose, and yelled “Oh my god! What is that STENCH??” I know. Because he’s done it.

    • solodialogue says:

      I am (a) a popcorn killer and (b) aware that I’m lucky he’s hyposensitive – however, the hubs makes up for his silence with plenty of comments – trust me…

  8. Cara says:

    Very funny, and def. worth the read! AND YAY FOR CONSISTENT INTERNET! 🙂

  9. eof737 says:

    You are not alone as many of us have done same… My question is where did you find the clarity of mind to shoot that picture of the smoke billowing out of your microwave,? Love it! 🙂

    • solodialogue says:

      Haha! I am not that “clear of mind”! That was a shot from the internet! (It is an awfully nice looking microwave though – minus the burnt popcorn!) Lol! 🙂

  10. Mama Be Good says:

    I’ve smelled burning popcorn (both me and my son hate it) so many times when I worked that I vowed NEVER EVER to make it in a microwave. It’s SO easy in a good ol’ fashioned pot. C’mon. Say it with me. I will NEVER EVER make popcorn in a microwave again. No?

    • solodialogue says:

      I.can’t.say.it! I’m toooo lazy to pop it the old fashioned way (although I used to love it that way – especially with melted butter!) But you also presuppose that if I did it that way, I would not burn it. I must admit, I’m capable of that feat as well… Yes, there is no hope for me – adult supervision it is!

  11. Jennie B says:

    This post cracked me up! I’m surprised I haven’t burnt the house down, I’m always so scattered.

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