My son wants to be a cheerleader. It makes sense to me. Let me explain.
He’s been on this Batman kick. In one of the episodes, Joker is trying to turn the high school kids, including Robin’s alter-ego, Dick Grayson, to crime. This plot is completely over the head of my 5 year old. Instead, he likes the very beginning of the episode where three cheerleaders from 1966 in white sweaters with a large red, “R”s on them and red pom-poms do the following cheer:
“Zing! Boom! Sis-Boom-Bah!
We’re from Woodrow Roosevelt! That’s who we are!
Does anybody scare us? The answer is nix!
Come on team! Let’s make it six!”
What? No, I did not hear it wrong. That’s what the subtitles say. My son loves this. I have to play it over and over again. He gets this huge grin on his face, dances a little and then when it’s over, with a twinkle in his eye, says “Wanna be a cheerleader!”
Why not? They shout. They jump. They wave their arms around with these plastic stringy type objects called pompoms! They use a megaphone! That looks like the ultimate ASD dream job, right? Chanting a rhyme-like repetitive mantra, coupled with jumping and both hands shaking these fun objects around! Ah yes, a dream come true.
It got me to thinking about my son’s other career choices thus far in his life. Early on, largely through mommy influence, he did want to be a doctor. Sadly, this phase passed. It does make its reappearance every now and then. Actually, he has come to enjoy going to the doctor’s office – as long as it’s for mommy and not for him.
He has also entertained the idea of becoming a garbage man – wait – uh, sanitation engineer. I need to sue “Matchbox Toys” for that one. They created “Stinky the Garbage Truck” which was all the rage last Christmas.
Strangely enough, this would actually be a good fit for him given that he has a complete lack of reaction to any horrific smells of any kind. He would drive a truck that would do a repetitive action of lifting and dumping the garbage, drive the same routes and have a routine.
Right. You know, it could be a good job with great pay and benefits. Come on people – seriously – what mom in her right mind is going to encourage her 5 year old to be a garbage man? Yeah – that would not be me. Luckily, he’s taken his focus off this career as well.
He has also expressed an interest in joining the band, The Beach Boys. He wants to sing, “Barbara Ann” all.day.long. I kid you not. He currently will sing this much…
“Rockin’ and a rollin’”
but, instead he sings “Rockin’ and a roll…..” and then he waits for whoever else is next to him to sing, “Rockin’ and a reelin’ Barbara Ann – Bar- Bar-Bar, Bar- Barbara Ann…” If you don’t sing it, he sings his part again and waits. Over and Over. That song is permanent etched in my subconscious.
How old will those Beach “Boys” be by the time my son is legally able to join their band. Well, the kid is currently 5. He will be 18 in 13 more years so, I’ve got a little time cushion. If they haven’t all passed on to the big Beach Band in the sky, then he will be in a geriatric group with some really bad live performances…I’ve got to change his mind on this one!
At the end of the night, I asked him again, and this was the conversation:
Do you want to be a garbage man?
Do you want to be a doctor?
Do you want to be a race car driver?
Do you want to be a Beach Boy?
Do you want to be a cheerleader.
Yes! Wanna be a cheerleader!
Hmmm. Sounds like cheerleader is today’s real winner.
Looks like we’ll be having to narrow down these choices. It’s okay. We’ve got time.
For anyone who needs a good dose of Batman’s version of cheerleading, here’s my son’s inspiration: