Mommy’s Little White Lies…

Camouflage is a game we all like to play, but our secrets are as surely revealed by what we want to seem to be as by what we want to conceal.  

Russell Lynes

Are you good at keeping secrets?  It’s a complicated social skill. One that always involves lying.  Lying by intentionally giving the answer that is opposite of the truth.  Lying by staying silent or professing ignorance when you know more than you say.

In my life as a lawyer, I deal with people who lie and those who seek to keep the liar’s secrets, every day.  The way to expose the lie often involves digging deeply into papers and testimony and finding the inconsistencies.  Those inconsistencies must be accompanied by a motive to conceal or they never go beyond mere inconsistencies to that darker stage of outright lies.

Searching and searching through thousands of pieces of paper, and other evidence, I’ve found hundreds of easy to expose lies in my career.  And yet, these people thought their lies that would never be discovered.

Lies that surprise people are the best.  These are fun to expose to a jury.  When the jury sees these kind of lies,  and I put them together with a motive in closing arguments, my job is mostly done.  Whether a jury comes back with a verdict depends on how they view these lies and how well I’ve managed to advocate.

In my own personal life, sometimes I tell a little white lie.  (What?!  I’m not perfect!)  For example, I’m terrible at saving money.  In fact, I would say I have the opposite “skill”.  I’m very, very good at spending money.  I recognize my little “problem” and long ago relinquished any control of household funds to the hubs.  Sometimes, however, I will, in a moment of weakness, buy an extra toy for the child.

Hubs has his own set of problems in that he is a bit of a hypocrite.  He will repeatedly chastise me for purchasing a toy for our child and then, within say, a week of that tongue-lashing, he will take the boy out and buy him a toy.  You see how unfair this is, right?

Exhibit A - Dad's arm at the check out counter - not mine.

So, one day, not so long ago, the hubs was warning me – no more toys for the child.  Of course, me, being me, refused to acknowledge this decree nor the purported authority from whence it was issued.  I took the child to Target and bought him a toy.

After purchasing said toy, I had a talk with the child.  My little talk will not win me any “mother of the year” awards. I told him, “Listen, Tootles.  Mommy will be in trouble with Daddy if you tell him I bought you a toy today.  Do you understand?”  “Yes.”  he answers.  He’s so adorable and was such a good boy, I could not resist.  Paint “sucker” on my forehead.  It’s okay.  I already know.

“Do not tell Daddy we got that today, ok?”  I ask.  “Yes.”  he answers.  I knew likely compliance with this conversation was next to nil.

However, because Daddy has a faulty memory, does not pay a lot of attention and does not know one toy from the next, I figured my odds of being busted were about 50-50.  Often, he does get it wrong, asking if something that we’ve had for two years is new.  If directly confronted, I will tell the truth and get ripped into if it is a new toy.  However, I will try to sneak it by on occasion.

Daddy comes home.  He sees the new toy.  Rather than ask me, hubs goes directly to child.

Dad:  “Tootles, is that a new toy?”

Boy: “Yes.”

Dad:  “Did Mommy buy it today?”

Boy: “Yes.”

No hesitation.  Whatsoever.  Directly thrown under the bus by my cohort in crime.

What happened?  I thought we were a team!  Crime does not pay.  Especially with an honest kid.



About solodialogue

I'm a lawyer and the mom of a 6 year old boy with autism. I work part time and spend the rest driving here and there and everywhere for my son's various therapies. Instead of trying cases, I now play Pac-man and watch SpongeBob. I wear old sweaters and jeans and always, always flat shoes to run after my son. Yeah, it's different but I wouldn't change it for anything. The love of my child is the most powerful, beautiful and rewarding aspect of my life.
This entry was posted in Autism and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Mommy’s Little White Lies…

  1. Ah… one of the benefits of having much less language (yes, there are a few…) I don’t get thrown under the bus!

  2. C... says:

    ha ha ha … darn. 🙂

  3. Flannery says:

    Saw that coming a mile away. Poor Tootles, being dragged into a life of crime already, but at least he’s trying to resist.

    My kid can’t keep a secret either. I brought a cake home for hubs birthday last year, and put it in the fridge. Told the boy not to tell daddy. He says “okay”, then turns and goes into our bedroom to tell daddy there’s a cake.

    They could team up and be the world’s worst bank robbers.

  4. Kara says:

    Do you remember that sappy 70s song about honesty? I only remember the part relevant to my life and its “…the honesty’s too much, and I have to close my eyes and hide.” [God forbid I go to the trouble of opening a new tab to google it.]

    Anyway, I find myself singing that one. Often. Particularly when the honesty is about a new zit I’ve acquired, my bouncy rear end, or my beefy hocks.

  5. eof737 says:

    Well, what did you expect!? Hubby asked all the right questions and the defendant fell for it… or is he the plaintiff? LOL! I love this post Karen… You are not alone on this one! 🙂

  6. Amanda says:

    Masterfully written. I felt like I’ve been there.

    Well, I may have, once or twice. 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s