The Understudy.

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness.  When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe.  You relinquish that position to your children.  Jessica Lange

Back in the day...

Isn’t that a true quote though?  For me it is.  Balance is difficult.  Since I was pregnant, the scales have been tipped 110 % to my son.  He has been the center of my universe. Everything I’ve done has been for him and for his well-being.

Sometimes, though, I’ve lost sight of taking care of myself.  And for that, I have suffered.  But, in finding my way back, I’m learning ways to balance.  Turning down the dial from martyrdom to unselfish.  From all-life-encompassing child care and work to a few moments for myself and a little more work.  And now?  A lot more work.

This day has been coming since I began this blog in January.  It’s been like a showdown with myself.  I’ve been engulfed in this self-battle to determine whether I would be able to continue my part-time, stay-at-home, part-time working mom role when the day came to go to trial in the most important case I’ve ever had.  I posted about it here.

I had come to terms with the fact that I would have to give up the trial to the hubs and stay with my son.  The days between gathering evidence and presenting it to a jury have narrowed.  Trial is one week away.  And now, for reasons obvious to everyone, I need to be at that trial.  I know the case like no one else, and like Paul Newman in The Verdict,  I feel it totally in saying, “This is the case.  There is no other case.  There is no other case.”

Let me explain to you why this is so important to me.

This is not just a “case”.  This is about a mother.  A mother who loved her only daughter with her very soul.  That daughter was suddenly and unexpectedly killed.  I cannot give you the details here.  When it is all said and done, I will tell you the story.  That mom is alone.  The child’s father died suddenly many years ago.  Fighting for justice for her only child keeps this mother going.

I have fought that fight with this mom for three years now.  I have take nearly all the testimony.  I have consulted with, directed and provided experts with all the evidence I could gather.  I have fought in Court to obtain things the defense would try to hide from me and won.  It’s time to walk into the courthouse and allow the jurors to hear the evidence and pray for justice.

Sometimes, you have to stand up for what you believe.  And I believe in this mom.  And I believe she lost what is most precious to every mom in the world.  She lost her heart – her child – and the people who caused that loss will not step up and take responsibility. So, I have to step up and do my best to make it happen.  I hope I’m only one quarter as eloquent as Frank Galvin was…

So, there will be some changes on this blog.  I am so grateful to each and every one of you who comes here to read.  I will not be able to post every day.  That does not mean that this blog will not have stories, though.  My cohort Jessica, that writes Adventures with Tootles will be taking over on the days I am unable to post (definitely Sunday through Thursday).  And lest you think the blog will become any less about Tootles, you’d be wrong.  Why?

Trouble coming...

Because Miss Jessica is moving in with the family for this trial!  She will be working her day job and taking over the watching-out-for-Tootles role while I work day and night.  Meaning?  Part of her huge undertaking includes posting here and visiting and commenting on every one of your blogs as I do.  Basically, she’s my understudy and she’ll be taking the lead while I’m away.

Let me warn you.  She’s a bit -hmmm- how shall we say, different than I am. She goes by Tootleslady when she comments and I have no idea what she will publish when I’m not looking…  [By the way, I assume no responsibility for her posts whatsoever…]

So, while I’m off fighting for justice, there will be a little guy running around with a very special and beloved person in our lives.  Someone I trust completely.  Someone who is honest and has a heart of gold – you will understand that too when she comes to see and learn about each one of you.

So, we may try changing the reigns sometime this week – switching back and forth- as I relinquish control here and pick up my Court weapons…

So, now you may understand why I’ve been a little lax on Twitter and in getting around to each of you.  I’m preparing.  And I will do my best, when I get free from Court to visit you all.  And, of course, when it is all over, I will have a ton of stories for all of you and will catch up completely.

I’m not gone yet.  And even when I am, I’ll still be lurking, and, of course,

I’ll be back…

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About solodialogue

I'm a lawyer and the mom of a 6 year old boy with autism. I work part time and spend the rest driving here and there and everywhere for my son's various therapies. Instead of trying cases, I now play Pac-man and watch SpongeBob. I wear old sweaters and jeans and always, always flat shoes to run after my son. Yeah, it's different but I wouldn't change it for anything. The love of my child is the most powerful, beautiful and rewarding aspect of my life.
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22 Responses to The Understudy.

  1. LuvMyCrzyLife says:

    Welcome, Jessica! Karen, I admire you, your dedication, your love for your son and others. You will be missed, but we will all be here cheering you on!

  2. Kelly says:

    Karen – I am so in awe of you sometimes. That you are so passionate about this case is just one more reason why. I am so happy that you will be arguing (or whatever lawyer parlayance that should be). I am thrilled that you have found balance with this and that Miss Jessica is going to be your “wife” for the next little bit. Good luck with everything! To you, your client and Jessic. Can’t wait to read about Tootles adventures – and your great success!

  3. Tootleslady says:

    Yay!! Watch out Tootles, it’s about to get really INTERESTING!!!! Here comes Jessica!!

    • solodialogue says:

      You know those restoration companies that come into a house when it’s been damaged by natural disaster? Don’t make me have to call one of those! Please???

  4. Tessa says:

    Uh-oh! I wish you the very best outcome on your case. My heart goes out to the mom you’re fighting for.

  5. Grace says:

    Wow, Karen, I am sooo rooting for you! I’m sure your hubs is an awesome attorney, but your client couldn’t find a better mama tiger lawyer than you to fight for her. Get ’em, counselor!!

  6. C... says:

    Go fight for justice!! Good thing you have a trusted person in your life who can stay in your home to care for your son. That is always a blessing.

  7. Kara says:

    I can appreciate how much this means to you. Your client is so fortunate to have you and I will be sending good vibes your way.

    PS In an unrelated topic, you motivated me – I got my bulbous butt onto a treadmill today. : )

  8. Broot says:

    You do what you gotta do. We’ll still be here when you get back. Can’t wait to see what ‘TootlesLady’ does differently! 🙂

  9. Lynn Hudoba says:

    Good luck with your case! I can’t wait to hear all about it. I feel like I’m quite the expert after this whole Casey Anthony thing, so you just holla if you need me. I will be thinking of you…go get ’em!

  10. Brian says:

    That’s actually the perfect amount of time for you to be gone for me. Since that’s what it’s all about, of course. Now I can read the , shall I say, “longer” posts that I said I would come back to and then actually do it.

  11. Lizbeth says:

    OK, just so I’m clear, when I start seeing posts from Tootleslady I can assume you’re out and away? That’s perfect. I’ve been looking for a place to have a MASSIVE blog party. This is going to work out swimmingly.

    Go get em.

  12. eof737 says:

    Rooting for you all the way… Go get em Karen and Godspeed… Welcome Jessica! 🙂
    Again, I’m catching up on blog comments after another long 4 day yoga retreat in Boston… I got back Thursday night to over a thousand emails. Will begin a marathon commenting effort shortly! TY! 🙂

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