[If you know this blog you know Jessica. She is my 5 year old son’s 25 year old best friend. She’s teaching him to make ‘passing gas’ noises when her co-workers walk by. She sings “We’re all at school “togedder” with him. She hangs with “Tootles” as she calls him, weekdays at the office where we work and sometimes, on weekends at home. She guest posts here every other Saturday (most of the time), talking about her experiences with my son. This is “Adventures with Tootles”…]
Now that the secret is out and everyone knows that I am pregnant, I can regale you with some of the more comical (they will become more hilarious to me as time passes) stories of the time that I spent with Tootles, while mommy was in trial.
I watched Tootles for about a month and a half, give or take. I knew that along the road we would hit a few bumps. One of those being the baby bump I now have, and all that it entails. I knew that Tootles could get sick, or bump his knee, or I could have a meltdown. I knew that we would have to press on. Little did Tootles or I know what the road ahead had in store for us….
One day, Tootles and I were hanging out at the office like usual. He was quieter than normal, but I was enjoying it. He was laying on the floor in front of my desk playing on the iPad. I was getting some work done. All was good with the world, and I was thinking, “Hey, I got this down!” and “What a great job, I’m doing!”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Tootles started screaming “TOILET TOILET!!!!”
I jumped up. We both ran to the bathroom! I started to quickly pull off his pants and set him on the toilet but I was about 1.5 seconds too late. He had already lost control of the time bomb and it had gone off….
Tootles and I looked at each other in shock, horror and utter disbelief. He hates to be dirty and while I don’t consider myself a germ-o-phobe, I am a poop-o-phobe!! And this reeked (literally) of everything beyond disgusting! I stood there not sure what to try and tackle first.
The smell was overwhelming. I grabbed some baby wipes and started wiping. Even holding my breath, this was not going to go as well as I had hoped. I was at the office. At the office, there are two bathrooms. One for the boys and one for the girls. Tootles went to the boys’ bathroom. Before I knew it, I had to run between the two bathrooms. One for Tootles’ mess and one for mine. I was trying to avoid throwing up on him. I kept having to run back and forth.
After I was able to clean up all my barf and his ‘mess’, I helped dress him. We both walked out of the bathroom looking like we had been hit by a bus. We just stood in the hallway for a little bit. Then, Tootles looked at me and said, “Jessica is sick”. Yes, Tootles, yes I was.
Shortly after we were able to compose ourselves, I was just glad that was over. Just as I settled into my seat, Tootles started yelling “TOILET!” again. Just read the last paragraph again….. Same thing, round 2… How could this be? He’s so small! How could he have anything left?!
Finally after the second changing of the clothes, and the wiping of puke out of my hair, I got Tootles in the car and home safe and sound.
Tootles and I had quite the day. Right before Tootles’ parents got home, and I thought that I was in the clear, I learned that I wasn’t. Tootles looked at me. I knew what he was thinking. We both walked over to the bathroom. I set him up. This time, he made it safely without the need for new clothes. Tootles’ parents made it home!! I was outta there!
I love Tootles a lot! But hey, a girl’s gotta have a little somethin’, ya know? And this is definitely a story that I will be telling his prom date. Sorry Tootles!