Top 10 Mistakes I Will Try Not to Repeat.

The school year is coming to an end, coinciding with my son’s upcoming sixth birthday at the end of May.  I’m thinking now is a good time to look back on my parenting skills and learn from my mistakes.   In that vein, I present the Top 10 Things I Need to Remember Not to Repeat Next Year:

Number 10:

Do not give the child antibiotics for two weeks straight, despite nurses’ instruction to contrary.  This can cause rampant, bloody diarrhea.  (Thanks nurse!)

Number 9:

Do not forget that the cocoon comes after the caterpillar stage when doing homework with the child (again).

Yeah, that order.

Number 8:

Do not schedule speech and occupational therapy sessions after 3:30 p.m.

Number 7:

Do not give the child sugar OF ANY KIND after 6:30 p.m.

Number 6:

Do not laugh while giving the child an important instruction or verbal discipline because he will never take the issue seriously, again.

Number 5:

Do not forget you have left the child alone for 2 minutes with easy access to Elmer’s Glue.

Number 4:

Do not – under any circumstances – ever let the child watch the Fresh Beat Band again.

At a minimum, I could be indicted for Assault with a Deadly Weapon against one of these band members if I have to hear them sing again...

Number 3:

Do not swear, use creative sign language or say “crap” is a “good” word in front of the child (again).

Number 2:

Do not let child in on, or tell the child a secret which you want to remain a secret.

Number 1:

Try (really, really try) to trick your body into using the potty only when the child is sleeping.

Well, that should cover it.

What are you thinking people?  The secret was Daddy’s ATM code (given by the daddy to the child, btw) which Tootles likes to randomly shout out to the Universe whenever he sees the card!

Never let your kid punch in your ATM code...

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About solodialogue

I'm a lawyer and the mom of a 6 year old boy with autism. I work part time and spend the rest driving here and there and everywhere for my son's various therapies. Instead of trying cases, I now play Pac-man and watch SpongeBob. I wear old sweaters and jeans and always, always flat shoes to run after my son. Yeah, it's different but I wouldn't change it for anything. The love of my child is the most powerful, beautiful and rewarding aspect of my life.
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8 Responses to Top 10 Mistakes I Will Try Not to Repeat.

  1. Mom2MissK says:

    Oh my… the ATM card? Wow!

    I second you on the antibiotics lesson. And no… “nurse helpful,” adding pro-biotics to my child’s diet is NOT an easy fix. How about YOU try feeding her enough yogurt to make a difference?

  2. Lizbeth says:

    Don’t ever (ever, ever, ever) let Alex see your password for the App store. Need I say more?

    And yeah, we had a period where the word “crap” was used more than anything else. All because I gave a little giggle (OK, I spit my coffee and rolled out of my chair) when I hear him say, “Crap on a cracker.” Lesson learned.

  3. Flannery says:

    Crap? Shoot, my kid says that and “Jesus Christ”. Because we’re awesome parents, that’s why.

    And secrets just don’t happen. Last time I pulled the boy aside and had him sign a birthday card for Daddy, and told him it and the present were a secret…he marched right out, after agreeing, to announce there was a present and card. Like, 10 seconds later.

  4. I love it! Heck I have done worse. Thanks for the laugh. I will send it to SensiGirl’s father because yes he forgot and left her alone with access to glue for more than two minutes.

  5. Grace says:

    I can see the headlines now. Six Year Old Drains Fathers Bank Account – Jets Off To St. Bart’s.

  6. clever and cute….and my post today was about butterfly and caterpillar. Enjoyed this one much!

  7. utkallie says:

    The one about not laughing when saying something important…yeah we do that all the time. I have had to put a throw pillow over my face to mask my face. So not only did I teach my child it’s okay to laugh when someone is disciplining you but it’s also okay to smother yourself with a pillow. 😉

  8. eof737 says:

    Oh boy…. that should be a double do not. 😆

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