The school year is coming to an end, coinciding with my son’s upcoming sixth birthday at the end of May. I’m thinking now is a good time to look back on my parenting skills and learn from my mistakes. In that vein, I present the Top 10 Things I Need to Remember Not to Repeat Next Year:
Do not give the child antibiotics for two weeks straight, despite nurses’ instruction to contrary. This can cause rampant, bloody diarrhea. (Thanks nurse!)
Do not forget that the cocoon comes after the caterpillar stage when doing homework with the child (again).
Do not schedule speech and occupational therapy sessions after 3:30 p.m.
Do not give the child sugar OF ANY KIND after 6:30 p.m.
Do not laugh while giving the child an important instruction or verbal discipline because he will never take the issue seriously, again.
Do not forget you have left the child alone for 2 minutes with easy access to Elmer’s Glue.
Do not – under any circumstances – ever let the child watch the Fresh Beat Band again.
Do not swear, use creative sign language or say “crap” is a “good” word in front of the child (again).
Do not let child in on, or tell the child a secret which you want to remain a secret.
Try (really, really try) to trick your body into using the potty only when the child is sleeping.
Well, that should cover it.
What are you thinking people? The secret was Daddy’s ATM code (given by the daddy to the child, btw) which Tootles likes to randomly shout out to the Universe whenever he sees the card!