The Rising.

Last week, my gage read empty.  Drained so dry, I switched off.  The only outlet I had was to write.  Sitting in my car, after dropping my son off for school, I typed the excerpt of the events that sucked the last of my fuel.  I wiped tears from my face, and the keyboard, as I gave you the honest play by play of what left me feeling isolated.  I closed the laptop and went through the motions of the day, looking for things to cheer me up, faking a less than melancholy to get me from here to there without explanations.

Little did I know that when that post published, something amazing would happen.  The isolation I felt began to crumble to nothing throughout the day.  Everywhere I turned were words of support, comfort and understanding.  So many hands stretched out to pull me up, to hug me, to walk next to me, nodding in a chorus of “you are not alone.”

 I’ve read posts where bloggers worry that if they aren’t funny enough or happy enough their readers will fall away.  But that does not happen here.  This community, the community of special needs parents, adults, teachers, therapists, and friends, you are all different in a powerfully, beautiful and magical way.

You don’t judge, shame, smirk, or argue with me.  You don’t pretend.  You relate. You hold my hand.  You raise me up.  You explain how we all shut down as a defense mechanism.  You give me encouragement.  You nurture me to take care of myself, suggesting concrete choices.  You give me support and understanding for “being human.”

I cried tears off and on all day on Friday, Saturday and Sunday as each of you reached out to me.  But those were not tears of sadness.  They were tears of strength as you pulled me up.  There is a place I belong.  It is here, with all of you.

You know me because I am you and you are me.  We are all components of something that springs from the word “autism”.  We see hardships that others find invisible.  Those hardships can debilitate us or be our power.  I was completely defeated.  I turned off my emotions.  But you used your power.  You saw what so many do not.  And understanding defeats isolation every time.  That power makes something as enormous as “autism” and all it entails, easier because I realized we all have each other.  I reached out and an army of support reached back.  You are all amazing.

I cannot see your faces but I know you well.  I cannot hear the sound of your voices but I hear your every word.  I cannot reach out and feel your skin, but I know your touch in my heart and in my soul.  This is my thank you.

And when you hurt, I will be there.  Just as you were for me.  We are all one.

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About solodialogue

I'm a lawyer and the mom of a 6 year old boy with autism. I work part time and spend the rest driving here and there and everywhere for my son's various therapies. Instead of trying cases, I now play Pac-man and watch SpongeBob. I wear old sweaters and jeans and always, always flat shoes to run after my son. Yeah, it's different but I wouldn't change it for anything. The love of my child is the most powerful, beautiful and rewarding aspect of my life.
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18 Responses to The Rising.

  1. Grace says:

    Hey! The title of this post is a Springsteen song. (My second favorite Jersey boy.) Now I have it stuck in my head, but it’s a cool song, so I’m ok with it.

    You have a great readership here, Karen, and I’m glad so many offered you their support. We really do get each other in ways other people don’t. I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. We’re all on a long, bumpy road, and we will all stumble at times. It sucks, but it’s ok to feel weak sometimes.

    You are a wonderful mother and a wonderful friend.

  2. I got chills….they’re mutlitplying…..Awesome post!!! So happy for you. We will be down the last week in June. Hugs to you. We follow you through all weather because you have a bright lovely light. Sam 🙂

  3. solodialogue says:

    Now, I have a song stuck in my head too! 😉 Hugs back. I’m excited that you are “coming home”. You MUST call me so we can get some tea together!!

  4. Claudia says:

    Glad you found some good in it. 🙂

  5. Mom2MissK says:

    How could we NOT be there for you, Karen? You have been there for so many us.

    I hope your weekend has left you feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. Hugs to you!

  6. Teresa says:

    You are a remarkable woman.
    XX

  7. Erin says:

    What a beautiful post. You perfectly summed up the reason so many of us are here. We do all get it in ways that so many others cannot. That empty, numb feeling of shutting down is so often a survival mechanism, counter-acted perfectly by the friends we make here. So glad you are feeling a little better today.

  8. Lisa says:

    “I know your touch in my heart and my soul.” This. Yes, this.

    What a beautiful and eloquent thank you. I’m happy to be able to reach out…and I’m comforted by knowing others are there for me when I need it.

    • solodialogue says:

      Thanks Lisa. I get so much from reading about everyone else’s experiences too. We all try so hard to pull together, even when our perspectives are different. I’m very grateful for your presence. You have been a wonderful support to me more times than I could say. xo

  9. I am glad you are feeling better. Nice to know we aren’t alone in this. Parent Support at its best.

  10. Flannery says:

    Hey, I might be late, but I’ll be there!

    HUGS!

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