I thought about skipping this Monday post. There is simply too much going on right now. But I wanted to jot down just a few words (well few for me…)
We had a lengthy storm with heavy rain and high winds. There was flooding, downed trees and flickering power. It seems almost fitting as my husband says his final goodbye to his mother, and I stay behind, taking our son for prescheduled dental surgery, alone. He’s been sniffling but he doesn’t really have a “cold” yet. The anesthesiologist will make the determination this morning whether he can go forward with the procedure. I think he may have just had a little sneeze attack.
When I looked at my son on Sunday, I looked at him with different eyes. Before my husband left in the afternoon to be out of town, my son wrote him a card. He did it on his own. It was a “birthday” card (my husband’s birthday is in August), but he called it a “love card” and chased his daddy down to give it to him. He asked me later, “Did you give your daddy a love card? Do you love daddy? Mommy, I love daddy!” I told him I was proud of him. Inside, I was prouder than I could express. He was recognizing emotions of his dad. He was reacting to those emotions in a positive way by trying to cheer him up with a card. That is some amazing progress right there.
The little guy knows something is different about his dad but he doesn’t really understand the talk about his Grandma Olga going to heaven or how that might make his dad feel. He told his daddy that Grandma was “upstairs” and “Let’s go see Grandma upstairs.” That nearly broke my heart. He really thought he could go upstairs in our house and cheer his dad up by finding his grandma. Last night, he kept confirming with me that Daddy was not home. “Yes,” I told him, “but he will be back tomorrow.” Usually, he’s oblivious to his dad’s presence. Or so it seems. He missed him.
He will be under general anesthesia for two and a half hours this morning while they work on his teeth. I have no idea how he’s going to feel afterward and I fear that. I don’t know if there will be a meltdown when he wakes, or how long it will last, or God forbid, complications. To avoid pain-related meltdowns, I have Motrin and Tylenol ready to soothe any pain. The rest? I will simply have prayer.
When I looked at him on Sunday, all I saw was his sweetness and innocence. He’s so full of love. He wants to share, to have fun, to learn and laugh along the way.
He’s beautiful. He makes me smile. He makes the hardest part of any day worthwhile, because when the hard parts are over, his beautiful smile, his trust and his love will always be there for me. He will make me laugh, smile, and feel the warmth inside that you can only feel with your own child.
I love him. I worry. I need strength to get through this week. God, please give my husband, my son and I strength to get through this week. That’s all I’m hoping for.
Into each life, some rain must fall, but too much is falling in mine. Into each heart some tears must fall, but some day the sun will shine…